Rainfur the Psychiatrist
by Ra1nfur
Summary: There are plenty of cats that need help. It's up to Rainfur to help them and you guys to name those who need help.
1. Dovepaw

**Well I got this idea from a review on dare to be dared from TamTam...and some numbers or something. Anyway, Tammy this story is dedicated to you. That might not be a good thing. We have a lot of cats that need to go through this, so let's be going.**

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><p>Rainfur sat in his chair, reading the newspaper and lapping his coffee. "When did I learn to read and start to drink coffee?" he wondered aloud to himself.<p>

The door across from him opened and a she-cat stepped into the white room.

"Dovepaw," Rainfur started putting on his glasses that he didn't remember getting. "Sit down."

Dovepaw nodded and sat in the chair beside him.

"Tell me." Rainfur said. "Why did you decide to come here?"

Dovepaw's head snapped to face him and she hissed in a low voice, "I hear voices in my head. Evil voices. They tell me things. Horrible things."

Rainfur nodded. "And this wouldn't happen to have anything to do with your powers, would it?"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT THE PRECIOUS!" Dovepaw screeched. "The preeeecious."

"Mhmm." Rainfur mumbled. "Well, how does that make you feel?"

"Terrible!" Dovepaw hissed. Her eyes turned black as she continued and her voice got deeper. "We must never speak of the precious."

"Dovepaw." Rainfur said. "You're letting this get to your head."

Dovepaw looked up at him. "Your point?"

"Stop."

"But we must never-"

"We?"

"The voices."

"I see."

"Yes, we must never stop with the voices. The spying. The betrayal. We must tell no one."

"But you just told me."

Dovepaw looked up at him horrified. "NOOOO!" she screeched. She stood up and ran out the door screaming.

"That'll be forty bucks!" Rainfur said trying to remember how he knew about money. "Come again!"

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><p><strong>So? Huh? Huuuhhh? Trying to just get a little funny stuff going on. This'll be for humor. So review and tell me who should be therapisterized. Whoah I like that new word.<strong>


	2. Jayfeather

**Well, then. Another chapter here. I might update the Elementals 2 later. Maybe. I wonder...Is it against the rules to not put a disclaimer? Today's vict-erm.._.patient_ is Jayfeather. Why? Many a made up reason my friends.**

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><p>"Okay Jayfeather." Rainfur said looking at him straight in the blind eyes. "Why are you here?"<p>

"..."

"Well?"

"Lionblaze told me to come here!" Jayfeather admitted.

"So you have a problem with arguing with your brother."

"No It's not that. He's just a great fighter."

"So you have a problem being abused."

"No!"

"A problem with denial?"

"NO!"

"Ramen Noodles©?"

"FOR STARCLAN'S SAKE NO!" Jayfeather screamed.

"You have a problem with swearing...?" Rainfur suggested.

Jayfeather face pawlmed and slowly looked up. "No. He thinks I have a social problem. But I'm a medicine cat!"

"That doesn't mean you can't have trouble being social." Rainfur commented. "In fact, maybe it's because you can read their minds and feel their pain?"

Jayfeather turned his head. "Maybe."

"You can turn that into a good thing. You can have empathy for them. It will help both you and the cat you're talking to." Rainfur confirmed.

"I'm Jayfeather." Jayfeather replied. "I don't do empathy. I'm a slightly humorous stubborn cat who likes making smart remarks."

"I see." Rainfur said. "So you have a problem agreeing with people."

"I'm outta here." Jayfeather said as he stood up and walked into a wall before walking out.

"A problem with the truth?"

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><p><strong>Hope you guys like this story. Once again thanks TamTam for the idea ;)<strong>


	3. Crowfeather

**Okay update. Yay me. Now It's time for another clan's cat. Let's go.**

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><p>A sleek black tom slipped into the room Rainfur was sitting in. He looked up at the cat.<p>

"Why hello Crowfeather." Rainfur said.

"YOU KNOW MY NAME!" Crowfeather screeched and tried to leap at Rainfur but fell down due to the fact he was in a strait jacket.

"What the-?" he mumbled.

"You cannot hurt me fool!" Rainfur said. "I am your psychiatrist!"

"Really?" Crowfeather asked. "You weren't even thinking of saying master or leader or something."

"That would have been more dramatic." Rainfur agreed. "But that's not the way I roll."

"Haha very funny." Crowfeather growled as he rolled over towards Rainfur. "I'll chew off your legs."

"This isn't Monty Python." Rainfur said. "By the way we don't own that."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Where did this even come from?" Crowfeather asked looking at his strait jacket.

"Where did what come from?" Rainfur asked.

"The...WHAT THE-?" Crowfeather exclaimed as he noticed he wasn't wearing a strait jacket.

"Why are you on the floor?" Rainfur asked.

"I...I was just wearing a strait jacket." Crowfeather said as he stood up.

Rainfur put a paw on his head. "Do feel okay?" He asked him.

Crowfeather lowered his head in confusion and Rainfur turned around and hissed into a small device right above his front left paw.

"What?" Crowfeather asked.

"I haven't said anything." Rainfur replied.

"I need help." Crowfeather whimpered.

"Let's talk about your feelings." Rainfur suggested. "Why did you come here?"

"I seem to have a problem falling in love with the wrong cats." Crowfeather admitted.

"Seem?"

"OKAY I DO!" Crowfeather yelled. "HAPPY?"

"About what?" Rainfur asked. "I get no joy in this."

Crowfeather nodded.

Rainfur hissed into his paw. "I'm lying."

"What?"

"Excuse me?"

"..."

"Continue." Rainfur said.

"First it was Feathertail and she was in Riverclan." Crowfeather said. "Then Leafpool and she was in Thunderclan, and now Nightcloud. Oh Starclan why did I choose Nightcloud?"

"Maybe it has something to do with insanity?" Rainfur suggested.

"What?"

"Nothing. What about Breezepelt?"

"Who's that?"

"Your son?"

"I have a son?" Crowfeather exclaimed. "Everything I know is a lie!" He ran out the door and fell down halfway down the hallway because of the strait jacket. Then a few cats came along and dragged him away.

"It worked." Rainfur smirked as he spoke into his paw.

"You realize this is just a recording right?" The device said.

"Then how did you know what I said?" Rainfur asked.

The device suddenly started smoking and made a mini explosion.

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><p><strong>Yay Crowfeather!<strong>


	4. Leafpool

**Well good news. I'm not dead, no matter what rumors you might hear. I really need to update The Elementals though, since Tigerstrike had her kits. Oops. I mean zits. Yeah, she grew zits. I changed my name. Ra1nfur. With a one. Clever. Well, as my math teacher would say, "No one cares what you think! Shut up and get to work!" Slightly Paraphrased.**

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><p>Rainfur sat in his office like he did every morning, only this time he would be visited by none other than that crazy old lady cat Leafpool.<p>

"Rainfur!" she yowled as she walked into the room. "You're in big trouble young man!"

"For?" Rainfur prodded.

"You've made Crowfeather mentally unstable!" she yelled.

"He wasn't already?" Rainfur asked innocently.

"You take that back!" she yelled.

"I don't want to take that back." Rainfur said calmly.

Leafpool gasped. "You're a bad cat!" she said.

"You're not my mother." said Rainfur.

"Who knows?" she asked. "I could be the mother of Tawnypelt's kits for all you know."

"...are you?" Rainfur asked.

"No!" she yelled. "It was an example!"

"Are you sure?"

"STOP THAT!" Leafpool yelled.

"What?" Rainfur asked.

"That...that thing you do with all your patients. Confuse them, make them tell you what you want. CONSPIRACY THEORY!" Leafpool started screaming.

"Leafool? are you feeling okay?" Rainfur asked. "Because you're wearing socks."

"WHAT THE?" Leafpool said as she looked at her socks.

Just then Tigerstrike dashed into the office, grabber the socks off her paws and ran away yelling. "The sock thief strikes again!"

"...I'm going to pretend that didn't happen." Rainfur said. "Now tell me, what are all your problems? I've got hours. I mean time."

"I DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS!" Leafpool spat.

Rainfur whipped out his notebook faster than a...uh...a normal cat...who can whip out a notebook. Yeah. He started jotting stuff down mumbling, "Anger problems, problem admitting that she has problems..."

"I can hear you." she said.

"No you can't." Rainfur said.

"Yes, I can." She rolled her eyes. "I just heard you speak again."

Rainfur started mouthing words with no sound coming out of his mouth.

Leafpool screamed "I'M SORRY! I TAKE IT BACK! I CAN'T HEAR!" she proceeded to run around in circles and ran out of the building still screaming and not noticing she could hear herself.

"I'm the best psychiatrist ever." Rainfur assured himself.


End file.
